It's been thirty years, and I can still see his eyes, huge and clear blue eyes of George Dawson, his smile that always seemed to me too comely, and hear his leaping laughter. I often think, as in the summer, we raced a race on old bicycles to large pro- fine river, which remained cool even on the hottest day. There, abandoning their bicycles, we climbed on our huge old tree, and sitting in the most comfortable thick bitch, we were an hour-mi, telling each other stories and sharing the amazing secrets. What we then had ten, twelve? And do not remember already. And all our tree stands on the shore, I was there recently, it was necessary to think about many, many things to remember. I've been married, have slowly getting old; my eldest son as much as it was when George (by the way, and his name is the same). Ya Mark Oldfield. George was my best friend, and in his memory I write these pages.
***
Lessons on Wednesday ended later than usual, and now students eagerly jostled in the locker room, trying to hurry leave school and do their usual business. All around was unimaginable noise. George leisurely dressed, staring out the window at the schoolyard, bright sun-drenched and filled with twittering spill out of the doors of the school kids. Strict gray walls of this private school did not seem as bleak now, when the evening sun paint them in soft pink and golden-orange tones, and a spring warm wind rustled playfully in the sun curly gilt tops of giant poplars and secular of spreading chestnut trees. Mark, already dressed, crept up, jabbing him in the back and shouted: Hey, man Well, are you coming?
-Coming, George replied, buttoning his jacket on the go. The boys quickly got out of school, to have a little chat on the way. They were going to drive today on the bikes to the river to feed the agile red squirrels, which are just a couple of days ago we started to get out of the nest, while their parents are engaged in mining fluffy food. George madly liked them very cute, sly sharp little muzzle. Marc was kicked and battered shoe shabby tin of Coca-Cola. His soft hair the color of ripe wheat out from under a shabby blue baseball cap with the logo of the school football team.
-Listen, our team plays tomorrow Chesterz, come and see. - Mark said, and flashed a mischievous twinkle in his expressive brown eyes. He quickly kicked the jar under the brand new polished shoes George so that he almost fell. Mark grabbed his friend by the collar of the jacket and putting on his feet and laughed:
-Well, when you finally sreagiruesh at least one feed? I've never seen such a hopeless bungler like you. Well, what would you do without me?
-At least not the way stretched not. Well, I do not like your football Better you play golf or listening to good music;! -provorchal George. However, he was not angry at Mark. They walked home along the bustling broad street, teeming with a variety of stalls and shops and Pestryaev advertising signs, colorful umbrellas, outdoor cafes and inviting theater posters. Mark enjoyed staying in these posters, which flaunted a passionate topless beauty in the arms of brave gentlemen, for the most part baleen burning brunettes. And George prefers those with whom passers-grinning wickedly some pale Dracula or a monstrous shark with traces of human blood on a terrible teeth. But to argue because they do not have to taste, because thirteen blockheads were not allowed to adult movies. However, they still managed to seamlessly watch most of these new products in Mark. After school, the boys are constantly stuck in his house. His parents were lost forever at work, hid before going all the things that should not get greedy eyes on the boy's forbidden fruit. And Mark, dragged with a friend after school and sending the little sister to her friend, took out long ago discovered them hiding forbidden magazines and journals, and is extremely pleased with himself, quietly watching in the company of George naked beauties or terrible bloody scene. And then the two of them piled borrowed items in the cache, siting them so precisely in the former sequence, that their art would be the envy of any detective. Such films of extremely amused. It was their secret with Mark. And then George had nightmares, and his parents are not able to understand why their calm, equilibrated ny, happy boy often sleeps with the lights on. But Mark is increasingly dreamed a very different content. Such self very soon bore fruit, a year later he was in full buzz about the girls, but more often they fawned upon him, because Mark was one of the best school football players. In addition, he looked quite physically developed for fourteen years, unlike the George, which is due to addition iziaschnomu too smazlivo- mu for boys face and great sad blue eyes shining from under the regrown dark curls, looked more like a girl. Movies, they looked to Mark, he found zabavny- E, but no more. As relations with the girls. Marc Friendly laughed at another, believing that he has not grown up girls, or just shy of them. And it is a complete surprise to him caused resentment George when he went for a walk with his girlfriend. "You're like a dog in the manger, neither, not people!"- He was indignant, looking at a frustrated almost to tears each other;"How many times have I offered you to go on a double date? You always refuse, and then offended!" George and myself did not understand, he just felt that the girls are completely indifferent to him and that he was desperately jealous of him Mark, which has become so beautiful! Mark was perfection itself in the eyes Dzhordzha- born leader, brave, strong, despair, and .. . beautiful he looked older than his fourteen years, while George could not give more than twelve. After the training, in the shower, it is increasingly fascinated watching as Mark shakes his wet blond hair under the elastic cool streams soul; more often he could not take his eyes off a tanned body guessed from the beginning of his boyish figure flexible muscles, admiring his slender legs and ... George realized with horror when Mark pulled the girls, it pulls to Mark. The desire awoke in him, but not as much as in all of his peers. He realized that for him only attractive male body, and that he was not otherwise than in love with Mark. Instead, the desire to possess a woman's body he wanted to possess them; he wanted to belong to a man. Anyway, he felt, and he could not help himself. These thoughts are shocked and frightened him, but the desire to be a girl every day intensified, and soon he began to completely unconsciously and then consciously borrow and copy their behavior. Then George realized he -The real homosexual. Just thinking about it seemed to him nevynosimoy- he was afraid and to think about the possible reaction of parents, Mark, classmates and the world on such a fact. George knew, as most people are gay. But the effort has been to plead, George Dawson, a pervert. "Once all know they vozninavidyat me forever all. I will remain alone, alone with his grief. It is better to keep it under seven locks and never, never take off the mask!"You think, George, and his heart ached with pain and fear. By all means, he tried to overcome and hide their vicious propensities, which on the contrary, intensified with each passing day. Especially hard it was with Mark. George could no longer tolerate his closeness, his friendship poking and slaps, and even worse, his relationship with the girls. And then he began to avoid brand. Mark ... absolutely lost in conjecture, did his best to find out what happens to the other, but he is constantly pushed him and the last time did not even wish to see. Seeing that his efforts from George worse, while Mark decided to leave him alone. This went on for quite some time. Until the day when, during a workout George injured his leg. He hurried to the aid of the teacher, and Mark, who did not take his eyes off him the whole game. After seeing the leg, the teacher said: What do not I like your leg, man. Well, she wiggled. George tried to do it, but the pain was too strong. He sat on the bench and looked indifferently on the damaged leg. Mark stood there and waited for instructions. - Mark, George, get dressed and go immediately to the school doctor, let him examine his leg. I need to get back on the field. When the teacher finally retired, Mark sat next to George. For a moment they were both silent, not knowing where to start. Mark looked at George, who stared at the floor, embarrassed silence. -You Hear that? Come on, man, -reshitelno said Mark George and helped to stand up, giving him a hand. -Mark, I think it is not necessary, the foot does not hurt; -popytalsya said George. -And I think you just go, and you have no need to deceive me. What the hell are you chudish? -razozlilsya Mark. He literally dragged George into the shower and plopped down on the bench. Well that's happening to you, George? Do not you think I'm such a fool and I do not see what you something does not it? We're best friends, George! Why did not you trust me? 'Said Mark, pridvi- de- formed it. George raised his eyes: -I trust you, Mark. You are my best friend. You've always been the best for me ... Well, all right then. decide himself when to tell. Wait, let me see, he said Mark, try to find out the charter. He sat down in front of the other and began to probe damage. -I Have already been something like this a year ago, I will lay thee an elastic bandage, I have with me. 'said Mark, and felt startled and stiffened George from his touch. -You What it shied away like the plague? -udivilsya He looked at each other, took a bandage and began to bandage his leg continued to watch intently, George, who was ready to sink into the ground with shame. And suddenly the head of Mark lightning flashed guess. - Now you can walk quietly. Take off your clothes and go into the shower! Well, what are you looking at? -skomandoval It on me. George, like an obedient child, took off his clothes and went into the shower. You're damn pretty, George. Why do not you like girls ?; 'I asked Marcus and held the back of his hand on the stomach other, then slapped him on the buttocks, almost certain of his guess. Do not touch me, do not touch, please, Mark! -vzmolilsya George, almost weeping with shame. Mark looked at George and met the burning gaze of huge blue eyes, said: Okay, I will not, but do not worry. And pulled off the wet form, completely naked, stood under a little warm stream, gently wrapped around his beautiful body. George could not do anything with them, and he wanted to get away, even if that's so naked and helpless, if only he did not see his shame! He was rushed to the door, but Mark suddenly turned in two strides caught up with him, stopped, took her shoulders and said quietly: -You can tell me what's going on with you, George? Tell me I'm your friend and they will stay that it was not, you know? George stood, unnerved and trembling, her head bowed, hiding his eyes, which was covered with tears and burning shame. Mark looked down and saw what poor George so desperately trying to hide. -You Did not tell me the truth, George? Tell me, dammit! He shook it a couple of times, and when he realized that will not achieve anything from the guy said: Okay, then I'll say, you're gay. Well, of course, as I had not realized ... Because the eye of George gushed tears, and he was sobbing piteously, said: -I can not tell you about it, I could not ... I did not know you ..! now you hate me? -Nenavizhu? For what? You're a fool, George, it's not your fault! George, I'm still your friend, do you hear? I'll always be your friend, you should know. 'said Mark, shaking sobbing George. -Just Do not tell anyone about this. I've never done anything, well, you know .... 'Of course. Calm down. In general, I am not so surprised that ... Well, you were always too cute, and then, no relationship with the girls, and ... well, everything. What is one of your eyes, when I bandaged your leg! Listen, George, but the world is full of blue, no one is born a tytakim ... In general, do not worry. Come on cry! This is not the end, everything will work out, believe me! The leg soon healed. Love went as quietly as it had come. Mark kept secret and never mention more about what he knows. He stayed for George a very close friend, ready to help at any moment. One evening, returning from Mark, George saw a gay man disguised as a woman. He has never met this gay. This man-the same as me! -proneslos In his head, and George quietly followed him, driven by curiosity. Long did not have to go, passing just a couple of streets, Gay entered the door of the nightclub. George decided not to pursue further. He only looked into the shimmering neon lights showcase the young animal with caution, smell the bait. Since then, he secretly began to dress up in women's clothes and himself hated for it. George began to let his hair, and no not surprised, knowing his obsession with modern music, like most boys his age, and unaware of the true reason. Dressed up and looking in the mirror at his own reflection, he was surprised to discover that it is impossible to distinguish from the girls. In a small English town came sunny and windy spring. Mark has appeared favorite girl, with whom he spent all his time. Love was povsyudu- at every step can be found strolling, holding hands and kissing couples. All nature was impregnated with love, even every animal and bird had its own steam. Looking at the awakening of nature and the love that prevailed everywhere, George felt like an outcast, whose love is always shy away from. He wanted love, but did not know where to look. In fact, he knew. But he was not sure that he would find in such an obscene institution your soul mate, not a partner for sex. He had never felt so lonely and miserable, alone vlakuschim heavy burden of their shameful secrets. Life became unbearable in the mask, and one evening he had gone to find what so needed.
***
That April evening, George, as usual, is securely locked himself in his room, took a bag with clothes, and began slowly to dress. Everything happened as if in a strange slow-motion of snow, he went to the mirror, with a sinking heart, dressed in clothes that fit his amazing blue eyes. The final touch was lipstick, eye shadow and mascara, which made him quite indistinguishable from some lovely girly. Comb finally their delicious dark curls, George quietly slipped out of the house. He followed his mother's voice came clearly from kakim-to issue, but boy it did not matter-he hastily walked along the same street, on which so much time to go to school, but it was so long ago ... or yesterday? Evening city poured hundreds of multi-colored pulsating lights of passing cars, traffic lights and flashing burning a soft light tempting display windows of shops and nightclubs. Learned by heart the signs and billboards flashed in the opposite direction, as frames rewind the film. The warmly lit windows of houses prosperous citizens who think it ought not about these things, which are now thought rapidly moving away from home a boy dressed as a homosexual. No, better not to think right now, and try to quickly get to the very nightclub. George picked up his pace, now he was almost running. At the turn he saw Sid, who ... stopped to chat with a friend. Sid was in a parallel class with George, and seeing him in a similar attire, he opened his mouth in surprise, and only after a few seconds the boy called out, but he was running down the street and did not hear it. When George finally saw colorful neon sign night club, he paused to take a breath and calm the little furiously pounding heart, which seemed to be about to jump out of his chest. George was dying of fear. Only now he noticed that all the shaking. From the door came the sound of music institutions and laughing excited voices. The lights were moving rapidly sped past the car, and the sky, dotted with a scattering of twinkling stars, like tilt. George had never seen so many stars. This was a strange night rotating carousel on which George slightly nauseated. For a moment everything spun before his eyes, he felt a weakness in the legs and it seemed to him that now all go out, but that feeling quickly burned out and his feelings even more aggravated. He was still undecided hovered at the threshold of the club, pale, frightened and trembling when I heard cautious steps back. George quickly turned vzmetnuv stream of shiny curly hair, and his eyes met with the soft brown eyes of human eyes, dressed in an elegant dark gray suit and light raincoat. He was very handsome, tall and broad, much larger than the little brittle George. He stood and stared at the boy. George looked up from the face of a stranger on a luxurious black Lincoln, the man waiting, and darted aside to give way to a stranger the way, but he caught a cold trembling palm boy. -Where Are you, kid, wait, do not be afraid; -laskovo he said. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. You were waiting for? 'Asked the stranger, nodding toward the door of the club and never leaving the boy's eyes. George shook his head, he was too scared to talk. The man caught it. He gently touched the boy's soft warm cheek and lifted his head, looking at his huge blue eyes, in which, as in a mirror, reflected some unimaginable smes- fear, suffering, purity and innocence, and somewhere in the depths of all this Hidden glowing light depravity. Looking stranger looked up and down this delightful sozdanie- iziaschnuyu his fragile figure, gentle, baby, lovely face of a boy with a pair of adorable beautiful blue eyes framed by long black lashes, his luxurious thick curls down to his shoulders. Yeah you're just a kid ... What's your name, child? 'He asked, completely enchanted by its beauty, still keep a small palm iziaschnuyu. -George. -sglotnuv, the boy whispered, trembling experienced fear and nervous excitement. You're very handsome, George. Why drozhish- you afraid of me? 'Asked the stranger, bending over him. George again shook his head. But you scared. 'he said, scrutinizing gaze boy. Who brought you here, kid? -No ... - He murmured George, looking for its wide-open, almost blue eyes beautiful black eyes stranger. You're looking for someone? His friend? -dopytyvalsya It. George, barely alive from fear, shook his head. -So You ... You came here alone? -ponyal Last man. George nodded. -Here's The thing ... -zadumalsya stranger. It's not the best place for you child. "I can see me here today, God himself sent"; 'he said to himself. -I Name is David. You want to go with me? In response, George waved a long resnitsami- he felt a stranger inexplicable doverie- he was the first who understood everything without words. David put his arm around the boy's shoulders and led her to the car. He sat him down on the back seat, he sat down, pulled him to her and quietly luxurious Lincoln pulled away. -I Hope you have less scared. Now you have nothing to fear, all will be well. You will like me, George. You still shaking ... Come to me, little ... George gratefully buried his face in his shirt smelling delicious perfume. David carefully lifted the boy's chin and kissed him on the lips, to calm him down a little bit and stop shaking; and at that moment George realized that there is no way back, he on the verge of what so desperately sought, and he went limp and gave himself into the hands of fate and David. When they arrived, George was surprised that he was brought to this castle. David George opened the car door, which immediately drove away, and led into the house. He held his little hand in his as they climbed the stairs. Other George remembered vaguely, for him there was nothing there, except for the capable, maddening kisses, touches and hugs David. George did not notice that they were in the bedroom, and he only remembered as warm, strong hands laid him on the huge bed, they carefully took off his clothes ... David leisurely took off his shirt, revealing a smooth, muscular chest, and then got rid of the trousers and clothing remnants, bent over George, kissed him on the lips, and said: You're still very young, George. Are you sure you want this? -Yes. he whispered .. Whisper David, his kisses, his arms, his strong body, which presses George the cool smooth sheets merged into some sweet stream that was carrying him to the unknown before pleasure. Then David turned the boy in the stomach, supporting his trembling, iziaschnoe, frail body and stripped him of his virginity. David was extremely careful. George has never been so well-it seemed to him that he was about to die of pleasure, which he delivered to David's affection. He came to himself already in his open arms; they lay in bed, embracing, head to George tossing on the pillow adorable curls lying on David's shoulder. With one hand, he burrowed into sweaty hair George lifted his face to hers and kissed him in the half-open lips. You're perfect, kid; but you have enough for the first time. David whispered. From experienced unrest and upheaval George was completely exhausted; he just switches off in the hands of David, who was crazy about her beautiful blue-eyed, long-haired young lover. "My God, he's quite a child, I was his first!"- David thought. He carefully hid his sleeping blanket treasure and soft flickering light of a lamp for a long time admiring the beauty of a boy and a long thick lashes, which cast a shadow on his trembling gentle warm cheek. George had long been asleep so happy, peaceful sleep; he did not even dream. During the night it began to rain; drumming noise in the window and drops rapidly running down on the eaves and gutters water flows acted better than any sleeping pill. Slowly came the gray, cold rain rustling morning. George slept, his face buried in the pillow, totally naked, his dark curls spread out delicious. David did not get tired to admire her baby. He madly wanted him and was looking forward to when George woke up, but the wait was too agonizing. He could not resist the temptation -one wanted it immediately. Through a dream, George felt the sweet rush of excitement over it -sklonivshiysya David carefully and skillfully touched his soft skin, beautiful neat buttocks. George woke with a start, but only in order to completely drown in pleasure, squirming and melted like wax under the caresses of David, burying her burning face in the pillow, crushed his strong body. When it was over, David got up, oblakotivshis on his elbow, he turned George stroked his cheek, and drowning in beautiful eyes, and said, You do not leave me, George? The night passed, and I am afraid that you will leave, to dissolve in a day light, an illusion. -How did you came into my life, beautiful child like you came out of nowhere, and I'm afraid that you go nowhere ... -I really good with you?; - George said. His gentle face became very serious; I do not want to leave, and will not leave until you want it. -I Want you to stay, baby, I want you to be mine - David said, burying his hands in her hair boy .... I'll be yours, just tell me that you love me, -poprosil George. -I Came to find someone who will love me, 'said George, and his eyes reflected all that time the pain of loneliness, fear and suffering that he endured. -My Poor baby, you have no idea, you would find some love in the blighted pub, not if I were in your way. It is better you do not know about it. Yesterday you were so lost, frightened and trembling, as if fallen from the stars, 'said David, gently outlining lips finger George - You're beautiful, perfect. You do not even realize how hard possess. I'll take care of you and will give you a much greater love than the one you are looking for. Very soon, you will understand it myself. 'said David, and kissed him. Then he took George into the shower, and he went to make breakfast. Brewing coffee, he thought about his delightful baby. His? The boy such well-groomed, his manner of speaking and behaving provides excellent training and good, noble origin. He was absolutely pure and innocent before last night. Surely he ran away from home, and his parents have had enough. At this moment, George appeared in the doorway, wrapped in a towel, with wet black curls falling down to the chiseled shoulders accentuate the whiteness of his delicate skin. In light scattering his beautiful eyes looked blue rainy morning. -George, Come in and sit down for breakfast, baby, you're done. What do you prefer, coffee, fruit, toast, ham, cheese, eggs? -And You can hot chocolate? And toast. George said cheerfully, sitting down at a table and does a child tucked under her legs. -Of course. -ulybnulsya David, sitting in front of the boy, who had already gnawed a big red apple. He looked absolutely happy and cheerful, from its yesterday's fears and anxiety was gone, and David decided to carefully try rasprosit him not to accidentally hurt his feelings. -You Did not tell me about yourself? 'He asked in the abstract. -What Do you want to know about me? -George Looked good in the black eyes of David. -All. Well, for example, how old are you ?. -Ugaday! -hitro Smiling, George said. -Good. Thirteen? Fourteen? How many? -Fifteen. -utochnil George. I'm not going to hide anything, you can ask me what you want. I just did not think that you're interested. 'he said quietly, continuing the meal. -I Suspect that you ran away from home. -predpolozhil David, adjusting his towel slips. -perfect Right, George calmly replied. -When I realized that I was gay ... It was horrible, I was alone and did not know what to do and how to live on, and went to find someone who can understand and love me. I saw only one gay club, so went there. Speaking honestly, I was very afraid, like never before. Then you're znaesh- I met you, and you took me out of there. I was very happy with you last night, this morning, and now. 'said George, waving his long black eyelashes and chasing blue farvorovoy cup chocolate remnants. David lifted his chin and kissed his lips, smelling delicious chocolate and apples. He felt his breath hitched and tightened perfect flexible body, in response to a kiss; towel slipped to the floor, exposing iziaschnuyu figure, but David parted lips, lifted the towel, and set a little surprised and disappointed by George on his knees, and carefully wrapping it back, said with a smile: -You flare up like gunpowder, my dear. Not now, let's leave it until the evening. You're still a child, so you're quickly drained of their power - on lovemaking takes a lot of effort. Yesterday you literally IS TURNED creased in my hands, now it will not. Gradually I will make of you a perfect lover, you will not be equal, you have all this, in addition to patience. All day George looked quite happy, and seemed to have preferred not to think about what has caused a stir at home his sudden disappearance. In fact, the thought drove him crazy, forcing suffer notions of suffering neschasastnyh parents. "They hate me when they find out that I was gay ... "You think with horror George. On returning home, could not be considered. David, too, could not stop thinking about this problem. He was well aware of the seriousness of their situation, but did not dare to put pressure on the boy. David fears were not in vain. In the family, the disappearance of George Dawson was seen as a terrible tragedy. Parents waited for him until late in the evening. That same night, the mother picked up a tantrum, not always waiting for this quiet, safe boy home. She was sure that George had happened something terrible. ! -Bozhe Mine, Elliot, it's not like our son I do not know what to think maybe it was hit by a car ... - she cried, hugging her husband. Do not dare to say so, Bridget Tomorrow boy come home, and I'll make him a good thrashing;! -uspokaival Her husband as soon as he could, although his heart was torn by anxiety for her son. All of the city hospitals were telephoned immediately. They just waited in the morning, after a sleepless night and ran all over to look for a favorite child. In the first place they rasprosy Mark, but he did not know how the rest of the guys. Terrified parents did not leave for three days with the hope that George is about to knock on the door, and on the fourth day ran to the police. Impassive police seemed to be not in the least surprised. Calm down, Mrs. Dawson, hundreds of boys every day, run away from home. We have all the police piled in such affairs. Chances are, the kid just tired prosperous life, and he went in search of adventure; you know how it is ... The next day, the police gathered at the site of all who saw George on the day he disappeared. Long did not prishlos- Sid Johnson told inquire, embarrassed and blushing, he saw him late at night, running in the direction of the club, which brings together all sorts of nefarious types, such as gay men and crooks. Few pomolchavi hesitating, hiding his eyes from withering glance Brand, he added: -George ... He's ... well, it was in the dress ... -In what other outfit -izumilsya culprit Assembly father nervously, ready to grab? ridiculous myamlyuschego Sid and shake the truth out of him. Both police officers who heard the testimony of the boys looked as as if they were one hundred and twenty first tell the multiplication table, but they continued to patiently listen out of respect to the exhausted, on the verge of breakdown Man parents. -Continue - Dispassionately urged one of the policemen. Well, in the dress ... it fagot! Blue, in general ... finally blurted out, Sid and lowered his eyes. Elliot as the ax head knocked it exhausted into a chair and clutched at his heart. No, can not be, it can not be true! -to Horrified mother cried. One of the officers gave the boys a sign to leave. They hushed, as if a little bit guilty, dispersed to their homes. And Mark was standing behind the door to the end, listening carefully to every word, donosivshimemusya due to severe cold the door of the police station. His heart ached with pity for grieving parents and severity of what he can not tell them the whole truth. Strolling in the evening with his girlfriend, he saw George left one person. Mark remembered it in every detail, and he described the police have tracked down the fugitive. But he knew that would not violate the words of one friend. He felt that it would be better for George. Perhaps he will no longer be so unhappy-reasoned Mark, standing outside the door, and with bated breath. "Anyway, one day he will leave. "-Think it. -I Am sorry, Mr. Dawson. Unfortunately, in such cases to help the police simply not capable. Of course, we'll find the guy, but he escapes again, believe me, I had to deal with such cases. From this there are no medicines, no the most severe punishment will not work. I advise you not to force to force him to return; I'm afraid it will worsen the situation. But if you need ... This conversation lasted a long time, but Mark was waiting until the end, and escaped unnoticed.